kas keegi saab kellegist aru kunagi

About AFTER WAR installation

Last week was too complicated to even describe. Shortly said, Kaja didn't want to take orders from me so in the end we decided to do it in her way. I liked that. Im not the kind of person that likes compromises if it has to do with my work. Im the General. Now I ended up being her 'actress' taking orders. She was not satisfied. I had to be the kind of actress that is intelligent, that thinks along, shoots ideas, positive and eager to agree on anything. Ok, fine … I'll be the sophisticated and extremely talented actress if she likes. 

Our last showing was on saturday and it was part of the Maraton 2012 which is 6 epic hours of short forms. We made and installation in our Holy Ghost Blackbox. So we were put in a context not typical for the residency program. 

Our idea was to work on the 'scene after'. Not to expose the actual event but the scene after the actual event. And as we were previously blamed on propagating violence we decided to dig deeper in it. Our work was in two parts: first the after war installation in the Holy Ghost Blackbox and then 'after talk' with the Resident (me and Kaja) on Kanuti Gildi SAAL's main stage. 

To put it banal, to non romanticize The After War installation I'd say the scene was a situation after violence, after a battle, hostage blackmail, collaborate rape, SM sex, abuse, torture, explosion… 

Basically about victims, showing what horrible thing violence is. 

in The After talk the 'victims' were explaining what really happened. That they chose the abuse coz they like it, its a turn on, sexual, physical enjoyment.

Anyhow, in order to 'play' the victims of a physical abuse we decided to experience it. To avoid the imitation of violence, to avoid the accusations of making bad theatre. to avoid the blame of not being real enough. We needed bruises, we needed wounds. 3 days before the showing we had a beer, put some music on and had 40 minute fist fight with each other. We used less wrestling techniques and mostly just kicking each others  legs. It was difficult to get wounds so we used wooden laths about 40 cm long and 10 cm wide. They were the leftovers of Juha Valkeapää and Kajas House piece. They were efficient in making painful scratches and more bruises. Such intensive fight was tiring, I was happy that we had done pushups on the previous days. In the beginning it was hard to find aggression to make such violent attempt towards Kaja. It was much easier to attack and punch as hard as possible after she made me feel pain. Very quickly Kaja became just a target, impersonal target, just a task, mission to complete. Everything became irrelevant: the violence, the pain, hurting someone, behaving bad, destruction, aggression. These were not the issues to think of. 

In the night I was limping home, my heel was badly hurt from hitting her over and over again. I was happy about the great success. 

In the end,  'AFRER WAR' installation was pure theatre, fiction.

Since we started with the War and Sex residency people come to me feeling sorry for me. Their whole approach is victimizing us, feeling compassion, saying 'poor girls, how will you manage'. The reasons seem to differ a lot. Some feel sorry for me because they think that Kaja abuses me, some feel sorry 'coz they don't want to see us fail (that shows how sure they are about us failing) and some feel embarrassed coz of the topics of war and sex.

We are not victims. Its a choice. Clearly.

Õnneks see postitus siin ei ole kunstiteos.

Kaja on liiga must valge. Otsekohene. See hirmutab inimesi. Paneb nad lukku. Kunstis peab ikka olema ambivalentsust ja abstraktsiooni. See annab vaatajale tõlgendamise võimalusi. Siis saab inimene oma lugu ehitada, oma tundeid tunda. 

Oh, jah.

Õnneks see postitus siin ei ole kunstiteos.

Hakkasin otsima jäägitut sõprust, või kamraadlust või teineteise eest välja astumist oma elust. Väitsin laupäeval ülbelt, et meie kunstnikud tõmbame pigem üksteiselt vaipa alt ära. No ei ole ju nii, vastati mulle, Kaja, sa liialdad. 

Ma saatsin pärimise Teatriauhindade tantsuetenduse žüriile, et miks on puudu seal nominentide hulgast nii mõnigi nimi, kes on teinud head tööd eelmisel aastal; Mart Kangro või MIM projekt. Et miks, mis kaalutlustel?  Vastust ei tulnud. Imselt ei tule kah. Toetun siin siis kuulujuttudele.

Ütlesin ka Mardile, et küsisin. Tema vastus oli kiire, Kaja ära torgi. Neil on õigus teha mida nad tahavad. 

Siis rääkisin Taavetiga, kes on MIMi taga. Tema arvas, et, halloo, MIM ei ole ju tantsuetendus, et kas sa ei arva, et need asjad olidki halvad või keskmised. Seletas mulle, et see on kultuuripoliitika. 

 Just sellepärast, et see on kultuuripoliitika peamegi me sõna võtma. Kas meil, äärealadel töötavatel kunstnikel ei ole põhjust üksteise eest seisata, kultuurpoliitikutelt küsimusi küsida? Jälgida, et poliitika oleks seotud päris elus toimuvaga. Mitte õigustada poliitikuid nende pimeduses ja lolluses.

Mis me siis teeme selle olukorraga, kus koreograafid teevad huvitavaid töid, mida ei saa otseselt lahterdada tantsu alla. Mis me teeme siis olukorraga, kus eesti koreograaf teeb etenduse, kus kõne on inglise keelne. 

Kuulsin ka vastust, et Mart ei ole eesti kunstnik. Te ei teinud ju seda etendust Eestis. Rääkimata Krõõt Juurakust, kes juba pikalt töötab väljas pool Eestit. No teretulemast. Mida kuradit. 2 aastat tagsi sobis eesti kultuuripoliitikutele inglise keelne jutt. Nüüd enam ei sobi. Kas see näitab suundumusi?

Sõjast rääkides läheb kiirest jutt sinna, et see on poliitika ja me ei saa sinna midagi parata. Poliitikal ei ole mingit seost tegelikkusega. Aga eesti kultuuripoliitika on ju meie lähedal. Meie endi asi. Me saame seda kujundada. Ma ei ole nõus sellega, et meie riigi poliitika on selline ja selline ja päris elu on hoopis teistsugune. Meie oleme nii hirmus head ja poliitika on hirmus paha.

  

Nimetame ennast free-radikaliks ja teise käega toetame oma vaikimisega seda süsteemi. Oleme nõus olema osa lollusest, iganenud mõtlemisest, mis ei järgi tegelikult toimuvat. 

Pangem siis kirja kõik reeglid, milliseid koreograafe Eestile vaja on: 

1. kes ei räägi

2. kui räägivad siis kindlasti puhtas eesti keeles.

3. kes töötavad Eestimaa pinnal.

4. kes tegutsevad struktuuride sees, mitte kusagil tühermaal merekonteineris.

5. kes teevad välisel vaatlusel selliseid töid, mida on tehtud enne, ainult, et paremini.

Muidugi kahtlen ma oma lahmivas mõtteviisis. Ehmatan ja jään vait, kui tuleb see viimane etteheide. Kaja sa tahtsid ise auhinda saada, sellepärast see võitlus siin. Ma annan endale aru, et sellisel viisil käitudes ei saa ma kunagi ühtegi auhinda. Keegi ei taha minuga enam koostööd teha. Selliste alla poole vööd süüdistustega sunnitaksegi inimesed olema vait. Tekitatakse hirmutunne.

Sina oled sõdur siin suures süsteemis. Vait olla ja edasi teenida, peaks olema moto. Aga mina ei saa vait olla, kui keegi ütleb, et Mart Kangro ei ole eesti kunstnik ja ei esinda eesti ametlikku kultuuripoliitikat.

 

Ja siis kummitab laupäevast alates Siiri Sisaski laul "Mis maa see on"

Ja küsimus: "Ega te ennast nii nurka ei mängi?"

Või: "Kuhu edasi?"

Eile rääkisime palju juttu. Põhimõttelsiselt oli meil plaan olemas juba järgmiseks ettenäitamiseks Maratoni raames. Nüüd hakkasime kahtlema.  Lubasime ju suure suuga, et teema saab seekord olema SEX.  Noh, et kuidas siis? 

Kui asju otsekoheselt ja õigete nimedega nimetad on see vaatajatest teerulliga üle sõitmine. Las neile jääb väike unistamise ja ettekujutamise ruum. Seksi ei tohi labastada. Seks on ju püha.

Kas siis surm ei ole püha. Või sõda. Nedele teemadele hüppasime me küll otse peale ja käsitlesime suht must valgelt. Ja seks on vähemal asi millega meil on olnud tegemist elu jooksul. Üks asi mida me teame. Sõda kujutame me lihtsalt ette.

Ja üleüldse iga kord, kui inimene räägib lavalt oma isikliku loo, muutub see lihtsalt looks. Kõik muutub jube labaseks. Aga muusika või visuaaliga saab jääda vaatajale oma ettekujutus, oma tõlgendus.

Mis selle vana ja kulunud isiklikkuse ja aususe teemaga siis ikka on?

Kui oled liiga aus ja isiklik jääb vaataja ainult sinu isikusse kinni. On muidugi võimalik pidada loengut, et teised, tähtsad inimesed arvavad nii ja nii. On võimalik teha pilte. 

Eelmise ettenäitamise kogemus aga ütles, et vaatajad ärritusid isikliklt Maike ja Kaja ja Mehise peale. Nad leidsid süüdlased. Äkki ma kardan süüdi olla? Äkki ma ei jaksa elada selle koormaga. Äkki ma teen oma uhkele kunstniku kuvandile liiga ja rikun oma kärjääri võimalusi. Äkki kaotan oma isiklikke sõpru. "It is not about you" tuleb mul jälle meelde. Mis me teeme valesti, kui taas kordub see muster. Tahaks olla ikka lille maailija. Oleks lihtsam. 

Aga sa ei oska ju lilli maailma?

NOT REAL ENOUGH

Today, my head is empty but Kaja asked to translate her Facebook post. I did and wrote little extra.

So, what did we find out from yesterdays showing?

That there was nothing feminist about the act.

That if you use 2 macbookpro laptops then audience will expect high tech solutions

That our showing was like reading a tabloid paper.

The big question was: Who's laptop was the smaller one?!

The audience was angry, upset, they had clear position already before they came and that stayed the same also after they left. 

No discussion possible. No interest in the artistic output, only in politics. And politics is upsetting and makes people angry.

This time we had to take the blame for the bad politics.

Thats ok. Artist is a pet. Let your anger out.

Everybody was shouting to each other until a point that Priit Raud had to take a protective stance and explain that Maike and Kaja are not the only ones in the world to blame for violence and war. Priits words were effective. For a while they asked questions that were related to our work, the showing.

So we managed to have few good discussions about violence, pacifists, the safety of the theatre, institutions and human relationships.

And about who is dating who. Thats always good to know.

Eventually I got so tired and fed up by the whole thing. I felt like fainting. I felt dead.

One guy said that we had really way too unprofessional torture technic and that next time Kaja should tie me into banana shape otherwise I might hit her by surprise. Oh yes … And before waterboarding she should stuff a peace of cloth in my mouth. Following these notes next time the torture will be much more 'real' and effective. Now it was not real enough.

last night

täna on naistepäev, hurraa

täna on naistepäev. hurraa! 

Lihtsalt, et vana teema lõpetuseks. 

Jah, ma ütlesin, et me oleme keskealised. Vabandust, Maike, et ma siia su mässisin, aga kui sa vaid teaksid, kui hea on olla 38 aatane. Siis ei ole armuvalu ja lahendamata vahekordi oma eksidega. Sa oled mõistlik ja ratsionaalne. Sa ei tõmble. Mis kõik ei tähenda, et sul ei oleks emotsioone ja elutahet.

Sellises must-valges maailmas, kus asjad määratletakse kohe ära. Kas hea või halb. Keskealine - loomulikult halb. Sõda - veel halvem. Halloo! 

Kõige selle taga on inimese suur hirm. Saada vanaks, surra ära….. Aga Maike, kas sinu suurim hirm ei ole mitte stabiilsuse ees? Et sa enam ei tunne ja ei näe ja ei mõtle ja ei uuri. Ja selle nimel oled sa nõus sõdima. 

Mõtetu jutt. Nagu oleksin su ema. 

Oma suurepärasele sõjakale kuvandile ei leidnud ma eile kinnitust. Ma ei taha sulle haiget teha. Ma ei taha su käsi väänata, ma ei taha sulle vett kurku valada. See ei ole põnev. See ei eruta mind. See ei löö adrenaliini üles. Füüsiline vägivallal ei ole õigustust. Isegi, kui sa seda vabatahtlikult anud.  

Tuesday's Grey

Today we created an event in FB about our first public showing. It will be on Friday 9th of March at 19-30. Well, we already have the material kind of ready .. havent tried it out yet but at least we know. The exercises with pushups and for the abdominals went better than before- we used Shelton San new album to motivate ourselves.
pushups 2 minutes: Kaja 33 = 75 points / Maike 34 = 76 points
abdominals 2 minutes: Kaja 55 = 65 points / Maike 50 = 60 points
Kaja won.
By the Book we should run 3.2km in order to get official result.
Its cold and slippery outside so we did not go jogging. Once again.
Tomorrow we are going to watch a documentary ''Operation Homecoming. Writing the Wartime Experience (2007)'' and ask anyone who would like to see it to join us.
Tomorrow I will prepare one text for the lecture we should present on friday.
Today, somehow, I feel sad and empty. And helpless. Maybe I should just get some sleep for a change.
Stop Reading
Stop Thinking
Stop Talking
And yes .. here is the interview mentioned in my first post. No subtitles.
Shit .. I still dont get how to add proper link
http://vimeo.com/37963484

and the ghost

Maike Lond

Can I avoid?

Yesterday evening TJ told me that after reading the first 2 posts in the blog he is really doubting weather we haven't lost our minds. The whole issue was about connecting war, sex and middle-aged women. And when reading it the text clearly says that we are two horny m i l f  that are trying to get the attention of young soldiers and probably just talking on stage about how they fantasize having sex with them. 

So I realize that it clearly needs some kind of explanation. 

I think its no news to anybody that war is highly sexualized and the military rethorics is widely used as an sexual asset. Try to google 'sexy soldier' (you'll find more Lara Croft's  that US marines). Try watching Pearl Harbour or read 'To whom the bell tolls'.

Seriously its super ironic to say that War is Wrong and at the same time get turned on by something that resembles violence and death. Romanticize. 

That we sexualize guys and girls who could get killed any moment, who could become crippled as we speak, whose young sholders bear very old heads. 

Me and Kaja, we cant avoid the fact that we are two women in the age of thirties. We cant avoid the fact that the people mainly involved in war have always been in their early twenties.  That they are physically fit. We cant avoid the fact that their job is to protect our social contract(s). We cannot avoid the fact that we are artist and we are considered to be opposing these social contracts. And foremost, in our case, we cant avoid the fact that we are considered to be two horny middle-aged mothers who should stay in the kitchen not bothering about such 'serious matters'. And we cant avoid media that in order to make issues edible and profitable the are using tools romanticize, personalize and sexualize. 

So instead of ignoring it all we try to find a way within the context we already are. And see if it will get us somewhere. 

If its still unclear let us know … and for illustrating how Real Woman makes profit out of 'destroyed youth' check out this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5fCy3wCO8s&feature=related

Routine from Soldier ABC - book
10 minutes warm up.
33 push ups in 2 min.= 76 points for older then 30 years old woman / 44 coming up to the sit position for stomach muscle in 2 min. = 52 points for older then 30 years old woman/ 17 x 13 step-pars in 2 min. it means 221 meters.= 0 points, it means nothing. there is needed 3200 meters. One circle in Pühavaimu space is only 13 step-pars, it means 130 meters. Maike wanted to go out for run. I did not dear.
10 minutes stretching and relaxing.

In my head:
Maike: “ Are you interested about this topic?”
Kaja: “About what ever topic I can be interested. I like this violence part in it. Force entertainment ;) ”
Maike: “My be I need to ask somebody who have more sexuality and musicality for this show”
Kaja” Hei, when you want to do it with Riina, then do it. Free country. Everybody can work with people with who they like to work. We made agreement for one month. But after, when you use my material you need to pay to me”
Maike: “Kaja, you really think I wanted to steal you ideas”
Kaja: "No, But you can not have everything"

Hello ..

New residents in the Pühavaimu residency program offered by Kanuti Gildi SAAL. 

Maike Lond 

Kaja Kann

Kaja is ex acrobat that gained success in the field of contemporary dance and performing arts.

Maike is failed musician trying to keep on performing because nothing gives her the high that stage can do.

The idea of the residency is that we will stay in a small blackbox for the whole month of March and to put it simply - we are here to develop ideas for artistic output on the subject of War and Sex. 

Yesterday Priit Raud, the curator, came and interviewed us, asking us what will it be about, what are our interests and what the audience could expect. 

Im not going to explain now why War and Sex and is it political matter for us or is it in relation to human rights or feminism or what.

More importantly at the moment our goal is to find some kind of methods how we could approach these topics within theater context.

Roughly said these are topics where we have the biggest chance to fail. One of our interests is to challenge failure. And with any artistic output there should be risk involved, meaning we'll try to avoid 'soft and safe' solutions.

Maybe something like making a B movie. Or Barbara Cartland. 

Hahhaa .. Kaja said in the interview we are two middle-aged women. 

Yes, in a nationalistic post-soviet country where 'politicians' are publicly chauvinist we will be definitely mocked.

 So, that fine. Its wrong from the start and we know it. 

There is a possibility that we will call it 'A Piece about Peace'.

There is a possibility that we form an Army.

That we declare a War.

That one of us dies during a Torture session.

That we will be prisoned in this blackbox 24/7.

That we will have public showings on the 9th, 24th and 31st of March. Anyone is welcome to give feedback.

Especially soldiers. 

(time for a quote)

'Nobel Peace Prize for 2009 is to be awarded to President Barack Obama for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples. The Committee has attached special importance to Obama's vision of and work for a world without nuclear weapons.' 

Isn't it great that we need war in order to 'fight' for peace. Thank God for that.